By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be

 happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a

 philosopher. 

-  Socrates

 Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from

 achieving them. -  Dumas

 The great question... which I have not been able to

 answer... is, "What does a woman want? O:-) 

- Sigmund Freud

 I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs

 with me.

 - Anonymous

 "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We

 take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little

 candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes

 Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

 - Henny Youngman

 "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for

 two years."

 - Sam Kinison

 "There's a way of transferring funds that is even

 faster than electronic banking. It's called

 marriage."

 - James Holt McGavran

 "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first

 one left me, and the second one didn't."

 - Patrick Murray

 Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

  1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

  2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

 - Nash

 The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday

 is to forget it once...

 - Anonymous

 You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

 - Henny Youngman

 My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

 - Rodney Dangerfield

 A good wife always forgives her husband when she's

 wrong.

 - Milton Berle

 Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

 - Anonymous

 A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:

 "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred

 letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have

 mine."

 - Anonymous

 First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" 

 Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still  alive."

 I recently read that love is entirely a matter of

 chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

 - David Bissonette

 When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge

 than to let him keep her.

 - Sacha Guitry